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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23645437">Suicide is Painless</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caboosezzz/pseuds/Caboosezzz'>Caboosezzz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red vs. Blue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Study, Inspired by Music, suicide is painless</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:35:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,139</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23645437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caboosezzz/pseuds/Caboosezzz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Grey was at one point a sane individual, it didn't take much time for the ravages of war to take its toll.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Suicide is Painless</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was written to the lyrics for the M*A*S*H theme called Suicide Is Painless. It is one of my favorite songs in the world, also I really like the show M*A*S*H so if you can I advise you go watch a couple episodes. Its about a Mobile Army Surgical Hospital in the middle of the Korean war. Here is the link to the song if you want to listen to it though https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whhAg6bA3_o</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Through early morning fog I see,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The choppers were bringing in the bodies of the soldiers she had stitched up just a few days prior. It didn’t seem to matter anymore whether or not the kids were old enough to shave, if they could fight they were drafted.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Visions of the things to be,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>If only something or someone would bring an end to the suffering and blood shed that was all around her. The depressed soldiers and medics around her did nothing to help her own morale, but after a few martinis she was fine again. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The pains that are withheld for me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She put on an aloof, happy character in order to keep her own sanity. No one was happy stitching up the wounded, she’d fix them up only for them to go out and get shot again. It was a painful cycle that only resulted in her doing 72 hour shifts in surgery. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I realize and I can see</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She fixed up so many broken people, why couldn’t she fix herself? Whenever she went to sleep all she could see were the faces of those who died. They were asking her why she didn’t save them. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That suicide is painless</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It was only a few more martinis and she felt good again, she had a still in her room for a reason. The one good thing about the M*A*S*H unit she was in is it never really moved. The wounded came to her and she fixed them up so they could go get themselves killed. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It brings on many changes</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t take long for her overly happy personality to eventually just take over her mind, the war was brutal to her mind. In the end she was only a shell of the person she used to be. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I can take or leave it if I please</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The shells rang all around her, the lights flickering overhead as she performed surgery on another kid. He couldn’t be much older than 16. His chest was full of shrapnel and the damage didn’t leave much for her to work with. “We’re losing him” a nurse called out. She frantically worked to open his chest up to get to his heart. She started the open heart massage until she got a pulse again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The game of life is hard to play, I’m gonna lose it anyway</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It was hard being a surgeon in a war, it was almost like playing God. She could decide who lived or died. It only took her trying in order to save a life, like the kid she did open heart massage. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The losing card I’ll someday lay, so this is all I have to say</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“He didn’t make it” a nurse reported to her the next morning when she came into the post op. “Oh well that’s no good” she replied in her overly cheery voice, inside she was screaming she did everything she knew to do in order to save the kid. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Suicide is painless</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The disgusting things she saw while stitching up wounded really made her wonder if it was all worth it. Would it be better for them all just to give up?</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It brings on many changes</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The mercenary Locus always brought heavy casualties with him, he rarely cared for any soldier besides himself. She’d get stuck for hours doing surgery on the soldiers he brought with him while he never had a scratch.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I can take or leave it if I please</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The sweet relief of a few martinis was something she always welcomed after a long surgery. She saw so many wounded that when there were no more she was shocked. It was 49 hours she did surgery for. Sneaking in naps and food here and there. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The sword of time will pierce our skins, it doesn’t hurt when it begins</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She could tell that the war was really dogging on her, every day she felt more and more tired. Yet the more and more happy her outside personality became. She needed a way to protect herself from the death and destruction around her. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But as it works it’s way on in the pain grows stronger watch it grin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The pain she felt in her mind as she saw bodies being piled up only caused her to smile on the outside and cheerfully flit around to check on the wounded. It was no good to think about the families the wounded and dead had thinking only brought on more pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Suicide is painless</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She never thought about the pain around her anymore, instead she just smiled and happily did her job. It didn’t matter to her anymore if someone lived or died, they would all die in the end. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It brings on many changes</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried her hardest to save everyone though, but she stopped taking their deaths personally. Instead she just happily moved on to the next person. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I can take or leave it if I please</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The only relief she had to the war was the martinis at the end of her shifts, and the sleep she managed to get. She no longer saw the faces of the dead but instead just saw the happiness throughout the day. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A brave man once requested me to answer questions that are key</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It was hard to talk to her patients, they either didn’t care or they wanted her to go away. Every now and then she would get one asking her questions but she tried to deflect them. If she thought too deeply she would get depressed. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is it to be or not to be? And I replied “Oh why ask me?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Locus was the one who had the most questions, not only did he bring along a lot of wounded but he brought along a lot of questions. And with questions came lots of thinking, she didn’t want to think too deeply of the war, it hurt too much. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Suicide is painless</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Some soldiers would actually survive the horrific injuries, but the mental scarring wasn’t something they could handle. Sadly lots of them wrote to her before they pulled the trigger. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It brings on many changes</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She got the letters frequently, they never ceased to amaze her. All the work she put into saving them seemed to be for nothing in the end if they took their own lives. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And I can take or leave it if I please</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>When she actually took the time to think, mostly late at night before she drank a martini. She would wonder if it was worth it to take your own life. But she never really thought about it too much, that was all up to the person who committed suicide, not her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And you can do the same thing If you please</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you are considering committing suicide please contact someone who is close to you or the national suicide hotline.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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